My youngest sister is getting older.

Dear Najihah,

Yesterday(5/2/17),marked my youngest sibling,Najihah's birthday.I have never been a person who frequently dedicated a post of my siblings nor my friends everytime they have their birthday coming.But I thought i will write something for her,since she is turned to 16 years old.

It feels like yesterday when I was at standard 3 when my mother give birth to her.I remember the exact place and time,in which Najihah was born.When I heard that my mother was rushed to Hospital on that tuesday's morning,I was glimpsed with both mixed feeling of excited and happy.Why?Because i got to have another sibling in-coming and most importantly,I was very sure that I will not attend the school on that day,hehe.

I was hoping to see the baby upon finished delivering her,but we were told that it was Macrosomic baby with weight of 4.5 kg!And it was delivered normally.haha.Hence,Najihah was held in NICU for couple of days.When I heard my father talked to us and exclaimed about his surprised reaction of how big the baby is made me thought:The baby must be as big as me since everyone was giving the same reaction of how shocked they were when they heard the news from my father.But,of my view on the day seeing Najihah for the first time,was like,"meh,it is not that big"(Well,this was a thought from a 9 years old boy who was still yet to determine wheter it is normal or not).

I also remember that,abah was still excited seeing you as his new children,as much as he excited seeing us when we were babies too.He would come home from his work,no matter at what time she arrived home,and play with you.Me,myself,I was growing up together with you and seeing you grow up from toddlers to adolescent,but I'm looking to you in a brother's perspective.I had a memory when you were 8 months old and Mak used to give you Nestume and I will squeezed around asking for the same food.Sometimes,I even finished the baby cookies that Mak bought to feed you and come to her attention that she felt weird noticing the food in the rack was already finished though it was only 2 days buying it.

As you grow,Mak,Abah,Kakmirah,myself,Nabeelah,Nadhrah and Fauwaz all noticed of how you are changing from a baby to what you are now.Najihah is the only sibling in my family that does not go to a boarding school.When I asked Mak about this,she said "Kalau Najihah pergi asrama,sunyi lah rumah ni,sebab semua orang pun takde kat rumah".Though she is the youngest,but she never been a spoiled and pampered child.In fact,she often get scolded as much as we were when doing wrong things.She never asked for any expensive stuff,and even when she was offered a present,Najihah could confidently rejects for it.The only present I gave to her was when she was in standard 6. I bought her a Barbie doll though she does not play it much often.

One thing I realized about your attitude is,you often feel reserved and shy in moment.You rarely speaks for help and at times I'm afraid that you are hard to gain self-confidence.After few hours of lecturing(Since I am always free at home,so let's find some job to do for example schooling my siblings will ya?),she started to change a little day by day.Now,I see a mature you.I like how well you are accepting your weakness and try to fight it everyday especially after changing your school.You know when to study,when to socialize yourself and does not blindfolded-ly wasting your time.You have shown that you are able to guide and cruize your future without depending on others.I'm not sure what are you planning for your future,but trust us,we will always be there no matter where are you going.

As much as my ego as a big brother scarce my emotion towards you,a big part of my heart is proud of you.Well,you are probably never get to read this unless,someone shows this to you,which I can confidently mention,no one will ever be(since,none of my siblings read my blog).But if you are happened to read this one day,please be someone that everyone really cherished for,proud for.And I can assure you that , InsyaAllah will be seeing the more successful of you in the near future.

                       Najihah is on the second right(Next to my auntie).Well,she is really tall compared to my other sisters.

I should be studying

Salam and hi there.

It has been 6 months since I finished my med school and upcoming 2 days will be my day for SPA interview.Honestly, time flies so fast that I barely count every second since the day I started my foundation in AUCMS with a dream to flee to Ireland.Well,things didn't come as what I planned but it was the nicest plan from the Almighty that I'm able to reach my current state,graduating from MD UKM.Not bad afterall Alhamdulillah.

There was time during my degree years that I was perhaps almost getting planked down,but thankfully I managed to climb the ladder back.I was having trouble during my 3rd year when my former collage was declared bankrupt.We have almost nowhere to go but as a bless as I could,for been a goverment scholar,they managed to absorb us into MD UKM,yes because of the similar programme and study we've gotten back in AUCMS.Lucky for us to be getting chance to study in this prestigious med school.Alhamdulillah,from 58 of us entered UKM,the last pro exam noted 54 of us passed the exam(The other 4 are going to pass the exam this coming february InsyaAllah).

Since before we finished our study,we were bathed with news that medical grads need to wait for at least 9 months before embarking the housemanship world and guess that it is being true.So for the next 48 hours,I will be facing my interview and need to wait at least until the first day of April before they announcing the results and another 15 days to fill up the E-houseman(For us to choose which hospital we are interested).So by calculation,we might start our housemanship at the end of April InsyaAllah.

Another predicament that need to be faced by us is the Houseman contract,which I believe the doc-eats-doc world is beginning.Basically,we need to fight with another thousands of Houseman for a limited post for goverment medical officer and if we fail,go get ourself finding a private sector(as if the private sectors want the rejected).

I cant consider myself as a passionate young doctor.I want to do what I am able to do without driven to be the best among the best by taking chance on others.We all know that we are all going to fight for the post,but not in this way.I'm praying that I am able to do the job sincerely and getting myself a supporting team that would not let each team members lagging behind.

To be truth, I do miss my day as a medical student though I'm yet to start my job.Even though there were times when I'm getting tired with certain people or situation,stressed to get up so early and found out you forgot to cover the bed during ward round and being scolded in front of other people,feeling embarassed but it is all the harsh reality to train me to be a better muslim doctor in the future.I am not a type of telling myself too much about my profession,it just today I want to tell someone about it,or in this blog.

When certain people of my age start to get settled down with their loved one,building a business,buying house,I am still nowhere near to that.But I am blessed with what I have now,rich with love from my family and friends and most importantly,I can really feel that Allah loves me as His servant so much that I feel ashamed being a weak servant and not able yet to reach the level for a pious muslim to serve Him.

To all my friends out there and the readers who are reading this.Remember,if you are having trouble of your life and you feel alone like no one care about you,no worries,talk to Him.Everyone of us are having the time of ourself,each one of us facing our own problem but it all depends on you how do you managed it?Dont give up and whenever you are feeling down,let yourself up and seach again the spark.The spark that once ignites your inner spirit to start the things you are giving up now.

p/s-Do pray for me for my upcoming interview. ^_^

I'm an adult.

Salam.Last time aku update blog masa kahwin pet November tahun lepas.Dah nak dekat setahun rupanya pet kahwin,bila ntah boleh dapat anak buah Beta yang first,hehe.

Alhamdulillah,aku dah nak masuk umur 25 tahun dah tahun depan (2017) .Pejam celik pejam celik,aku boleh dikatakan dah suku abad hidup kat dunia ni.Banyak benda dah jadi dan alhamdulillah aku dah completekan degree perubatan aku yang ambil masa 6 tahun untuk complete campur foundation.Aku memang suka menulis tapi tak semua aku masukkan dalam blog.Tapi sayang,tak ramai yang mampu nak menulis selalu dalam blog termasuklah aku.

Harini macam nak bercerita zaman dari kecik sampai lah dah besar sekarang ni.Tak tahu la ada orang baca ke tak,tapi aku tulis je nanti boleh mengimbau kenangan sikit bila bosan bosan :).

Aku memang orang Ipoh termasuk parents aku memang orang asal Ipoh.Cuma arwah atuk dan nenek aku belah abah asal keturunan Bugis dan belah mak memang datuk nenek aku asal Cina dan Jawa.Dulu masa lahir,sempat aku tinggal kat Ipoh tanpa abah atas urusan abah sambung belajar di Jordan.Cuma masa aku umur setahun tengah pakai pampers tu,mak bawak aku dan kakak pergi stay sana selama 3 tahun lebih.Dapat lah adik sorang lahir kat sana,Nabeelah namanya.Masa kat Jordan,aku rasa aku memang budak kecik yang tak boleh duduk diam.Dekat nursery home sana,aku akan stay dengan budak-budak International yang lain,ada dari Europe,Japan dan budak2 belah arab jugak.Aku suka pergi nursery home walaupun mak aku boleh je jaga sebab tak kerja.Sebabnya 1)Otw nak ke nursery home tu,mesti ada Uncle Yusuf nama dia selalu jual strawberry dan dia mesti bagi aku 3 biji strawberry dengan krim setiap kali lalu."Syukran" aku cakap kat dia setiap kali dapat.hehe. 2)Aku suka naik basikal roda tiga dekat dalam nursery home tu,tapi nak dapat basikal tu kena berebut dengan budak budak dalam tu tapi seingat aku,aku yang selaly conquer basikal tu ^_^

Kalau tak pergi tadika,aku bosan sangat.Sampai ada la dalam 4 kali camtu,aku tengok mak aku masak kat dapur,aku lari keluar jalan sorang2 dekat sekitar Amman street,tempat kitorang tinggal dulu.Aku mesti cari budak2 pakai baju sekolah sebab nak cari kakak aku ajak main.yela bosan kan kat rumah.haha.Last last,kakak pun aku tak jumpa so aku duduk je dekat bangku2 kat taman rekreasi sini.Aku selalunya akan bawak mainan bas mak aku belikan untuk aku buat teman duduk kat kerusi.Lepas tu pernah jugak menangis sebab tengok semua orang sedap makan aiskrim coklat lepas balik sekolah,tapi takde siapa bagi kat aku.Yela ntah anak melayu mana ni kecik2 duduk sorang2.End up macam nak petang tu,mesti ayah aku datang cari aku dengan kawan dia,Pakcik Arbi.Muka risau tapi aku biasa la mana tau apa.

Mainan bas macam ni la aku punya dulu.

Contoh Basikal roda tiga kegemaran ramai masa kat tadika dulu.Boleh bergaduh woo.

Then,aku balik Malaysia dalam umur 5 tahun pastu stay dengan nenek 1 family untuk 4 tahun.Fast forward,aku happy je sekolah dari darjah 1-6 walaupun adala in between aku nakal jugak masa darjah 4 dengan ponteng sekolah apa.haha.Tapi tu je la aku buat takde benda lain cuma keluar masuk la bilik disiplin pasal hal ni sampai ada cikgu ingat aku takde harapan untuk masa depan aku hahaha.Err actually,masa aku tadika,ustazah sorang ni pernah cakap aku bodoh sebab tak reti membaca langsung,hahaha sedih mak aku dengar dia cakap camtu kat mak aku.tapi Alhamdulillah,aku boleh la jugak skor masa upsr.

Then masuk tahun yang aku masih trauma sampai sekarang,2005-early 2006.Sejujurnya,aku menghadapi depression yang teruk tahun ni sebab macam2 jadi, dari patah kaki takleh jalan lama,masuk ke sekolah asrama penuh yang aku tak suka,sampai aku menghadapi Insomnia yang teruk dan depression.Bila dah belajar Psikiatry,baru tahu oo dulu aku pernah kena Major Depressive Disorder(MDD) dengan symptom2 semua sebijik.Bersyukur cuma setahun lebih je kena dan start middle 2006 aku berjaya cope dengan problem tu lepas dapat pindah sekolah semua,dan akhirnya Alhamdulillah bangkit untuk skor dalam PMR.Belajar jugak macam2 masa kena tu,tapi buatkan aku untuk kental sikit hadapi jalan yang liku liku haha.Sejak aku hadapi depression tu,hati aku jenis sensitif sikit tapi tak tunjuk kat orang.Macam senang betul terasa dengan orang tapi aku biar je sorang2 sampai rasa jadi macam perangai perempuan.hahaha tapi jangan risau,aku memang laki sejati.Tapi tu dulu dulu lah,now dah normal kot.

Aku rasa actually banyak kali jugak rasa depress contohnya masa tak dapat Ireland 5 tahun lepas.To be honest,aku still terasa scar tu sampai sekarang even dah grad pun,haha.Dont put too much hope on something,scare it will turns you down.

But,here I am,living as healthy as possible,to be His-servant.Thanks to Allah for showing me the righteous path when things are not going according to what we planned.I felt thankful to be gathered by my important people that help me along the way.My families,friends and I think I have found my other half,Ireen.

Hopefully,InsyaAllah.

Till then..

\

Tahniah pet :)

Sabtu lepas(14/11/15),tarikh matpet kawin.Matpet ni gelaran kepada kawan sekelas aku masa kat Saser dulu.Nama asalnya Khalis,tapi pasal orang kata dia nampak macam penagih,so lekat la gelaran matpet tu sampai sekarang,haha.Masa dia umum kat facebook yang dia nak kahwin tu,punya la terkejut aku.Eh,senyap senyap je dia ni dah ada orang dia nak kahwin.Biasa la,last jumpa matpet ni 5 tahun lepas,tu pun lepas dapat result SPM.Lepas tu semua orang dah buat hal masing2,nasib baik la facebook ni still ada,so boleh la nak tau update family2 kawan2 punya hal semua.

So,sabtu lepas,gerak lah aku pergi kenduri matpet sekali dengan si Pucong dengan si Basyir.Semua orang pun ada gelaran masing2 yang lekat je lagi even dah habis sekolah lama pun,haha.Dah la kitorang dengan muka confidentnya sampai dekat Dewan Felda Jalan Semarak sebab ingat si matpet majlis dekat situ.Masuk2 je dalam,dah apehal matpet kahwin pakai coat ni.Tengok-tengok memang bukan matpet.Nasib la kitorang tak buat nice salam pakcik yang jaga kat depan ni ingatkan bapak dia.Baru nak ucap tahniah Khalis dah kahwin,padahal silap orang.Cepat-cepat la kitorang keluar dari dewan tu dengan gelak terbahak-bahak.Tak pasal-pasal datang majlis orang tak jemput ni.Rupa-rupanya,majlis dia dekat Dewan Felda Titiwangsa,depan dalam 3 km dari Dewan Felda Semarak -_-.

Mana la nak tahu dah nama dewan dekat2.

Sampai-sampai je okay confident sikit.Penuh perempuan pakai tudung niqab dekat majlis ni.Tahu pun sebab bini matpet ni memang geng-geng usrah UM.so tak hairan la.Masuk je dalam tu dah nampak matpet tengah duduk atas pelamin dengan bini dia.Matpet turun jumpa kitorang bagitau "kejang muka aku senyum dari tengahari tadi.biasa la,selalu aku jarang senyum'.Takpe la pet,mana la tahu lepas ni kau berubah jadi orang yang ceria je sepanjang masa.Untung matpet kahwin dengan isteri dia ni.Elok tudung labuh,belajar usul fiqh lagi dekat UM.Sejuk mata memandang,tapi takleh pandang lama-lama,pasal bini orang :D

Tengok muka Matpet ceria dapat kahwin.Belah kanan gambar-Naif,isteri dan anak.

2 minggu before Matpet kahwin,dia ada contact aku tiba-tiba satu malam ni

"Pul,sabtu ni free tak?Ingat nak ajak lepak sekali dengan Pucong dengan si Basyir.Dah lama tak jumpa kau ni,ada la 5 tahun"

Sudahnya kitorang jumpa dekat kedai mamak kat Putrajaya.Duduk la borak-borak pasal zaman sekolah semua.Orang itu orang ini buat apa semua.

I remembered we used to sit together right after we finished our Prep class,every night.The same routine as what we did last week,the differences were,the setting and our age.We had exactly the same topics of conversation like what we did few years back.We mocked others(guy friends will always be like this),we opened the talk on how we were naughty back then,and almost every day,we'll be having discussion how fun if we get married,and we even created our future children's name,LOL.I remembered how serious were Pucong and Matpet,brainstorming what would be the best name for their children,and tried to combine their name with the name of their future spouse,of course at that time,we didnt have any.We picked any beautiful girl's name and hoping that would be our future wife.And there was Renggo,also one of our closest friend in our class,where we used to mock him as Mr-Know-It-All,since he seems to know everything in the universe :D.Unfortunately,we were not able to contact Renggo to join us that day,if he does,he'll get tease off again,haha.I do miss my time in Saser,though i only had to face for 2 years(read:Very tired),but the experienced and the moments there,indulged me.

Dari pukul 10 sampai la pukul 2:30 pagi baru la kitorang habis berborak.Dalam kereta masa nak balik,aku berdua dengan matpet masa tu.Dia kata dia pun tak percaya dia nak kahwin dah.Susah dah dia nak buat benda masa bila zaman bujang-bujang dulu.Tak boleh sesuka hati keluar pergi lepak dengan kawan,main futsal,lepas tu tinggal bini sorang-sorang dekat rumah.Aku start fikir,aku tak rasa aku boleh lagi nak sampai tahap jadi suami orang,at least,not yet.Dengan diri banyak tak betul lagi,tanggungjawab dekat family.Dah nak dekat 10 tahun aku tak duduk constantly dengan family.Yelah,5 tahun asrama,5 tahun belajar medik.Tapi,apa-apa pun,masa depan apa pun boleh jadi.Tapi matpet ada la nasihat aku,suruh habiskan belajar dulu,then baru boleh fikir pasal benda alah kahwin ni.Dah macam parents aku punya nasihat pun ada :D.

Aku pun tengok keliling aku,masing-masing dah membesar.Yela,takkan nak kecik je sepanjang masa.Aku rasa aku tak berapa sedar sangat apa jadi kat sekeliling.Orang ni dah kahwin,orang ni dah ada anak,orang ni dah keje,orang ni dah tak duduk Malaysia, macam-macam lagi.

Aku masih lagi mencuba untuk sesuaikan diri dengan keadaan sekeliling.Cuba fikir yang sekarang ni dah umur 23,bukan remaja dah.Ntah la kenapa aku still rasa 23 ni budak-budak lagi -__-.Betapa pentingnya aku kena ubah perangai untuk jadi lagi berguna dekat agama dekat masyarakat.InsyaAllah,pro exam aku 11/7/2016.Sekarang masih lagi struggle untuk belajar medik ni.Baru je habis posting OnG,dan akan start dengan posting Family Medicine,esok(16/11/15).How time flies.Rasa macam takde la lama sangat aku daftar 1st year dulu.Dengan kena paksa sorang 2nd year ni suruh kitorang rendam dalam kolam masa tu,pengalaman repeat paper urinary masa 2nd year,pengalaman first time dapat kereta,pengalaman first sekali posting klinikal dekat hospital Kulim,pengalaman pindah ke HUKM cheras masa 4th year,and the list will be continued from time to time.Sesiapa yang baca ni,minta tolong doakan kami,5th year MD UKM pass pro exam dan menjadi doktor yang berguna untuk ummah,cei :D. Akhir kata,wassalam.

Matpet,sehari sebelum bernikah.kahkah

another post of 2015

Di kala hati yang tak keruan,kau tak zahirkan,kau ceritakanlah pada sang pencipta.Akan kau ketemu jawapan.